Men vs Women, Their Role and Status in Society

How often do we question it and how often are we satisfied with our answers? We live in a world where men have always been given more privilege than women in any aspect. In the workforce, women are paid 83 cents for every dollar a man makes. That's a 17 cent difference, and if you look at it in annual terms, that will be $10,157 less than men on a yearly basis. Why? Why are men able to make more money than women in the workforce? Is it because they have been doing jobs longer than women, is it because they've been working harder than women, or is it because we live in a society where men are always given a higher advantage compared to women?

Let's take a look at the personal aspects of the average person's life.

When two people get married, it is automatically assumed that the husband will take care of the financial stability and external factors of the home, while the wife takes care of internal and personal factors. Why? Why is it that the man is assumed to handle the financial stability of the household while the wife is assumed to handle the interpersonal dynamics? Why can't it be reversed? Why can't a wife handle the financial stability of a household while a husband handles the interpersonal dynamics?

Yes, we are in the 21st century, but how much has really changed when we talk about male and female roles in our society? Just because the dynamic is different today from what it was back in the 18th century, does not mean that women are still being treated subpar compared to men every day.

Even in English terminology, we see that all types of slurs and insults have some connection to insulting women. From slut, to bitch, to hoe, they all stem from insulting a female creature, be it human or animal. Why are there no insults for men? Because men were the ones who created our English vocabulary. No matter where we look, men will always have a level of superiority within society.

Let's go back to the roles within marriage. Agreed, we live in a time where both men and women have the capability to earn and support each other financially. However, why is it that in a majority of marriages, it is the wife who adopts the husband's last name, whose children adopt their father's name, and whose family is recognized by the father's name? When women are born, they take on their father's last name. When they get married, they adopt their husbands' last names by either entirely replacing the original last name or hyphenating the last names. Why are women expected to hold a maiden name and not the men? We need to recognize that no matter what the setting, no matter what the dynamic, we still live in a world where men have been given some form of higher respect and status compared to women, no matter how minuscule the difference may be.

You guys might be wondering why I'm going so in-depth into this matter, and why I'm writing out such a long introduction. The reason being is that I want to explain a side regarding the "Not all men" argument that I've seen across social media. While it's true that not all men behave poorly with women, people, especially other men, need to understand that the reason the assumption that "all men" behave poorly, is because of the mindset and because of the way they behave on a larger scale.

I'm not going to deny it, yes, both men and women are vulnerable to harassment and misbehavior by either sex in their own environment. Yes, both men and women are chastised when they are victims of harassment. However, the matter here is about women. The reason? Women are always forced to "stay within their limits" in any kind of setting. In any society we look to, especially in South Asian communities, any social norm, rule, custom that is designed to display a certain level of "modesty" is always applied and forced upon women.

If you look at a lot of households, you will see that there is a significant difference in the way a boy is raised and the way a girl is raised. I do not know about other communities or other ethnicities. However, in South Asian communities, I've noticed that there are many boys who are treated like princes from the time they are babies, and as a result, they grow up with the mindset that because they are boys, they can do whatever they want because they think they won't make their parents disappointed in them. They also believe that since they are royalty, they can treat women, however, the way they want to. They have no respect for women because these very same men very likely grow up seeing their mother work 24/7 without complaint, see their sisters in the kitchen and see them restricted from enjoying their lives the way the boys are able to and believe that is where women belong. I can bet that they believe that any women who are out making their career is "arrogant", "indecent", or "characterless", and therefore do not deserve respect. They very likely grew up not learning that no means NO.

This needs to change. We live in the 21st century, where men and women are building careers for themselves and for their families. However, not everyone has the mindset that men and women are equal, and therefore should be treated the same. That needs to change. We need to accept that what men can do in the workforce, women can do just as well, maybe even better as well. When we as individuals look within, we need to recognize whether we have that mindset or whether we have that patriarchal-dominant mindset that men should be the ones working, not women. If we identify that we have the second mindset, we need to then try to figure out why, and every person who identifies with the second mindset, needs to really consider why they think that way, whether they should make changes within themselves, and take action accordingly. Only when we recognize the kind of folly we have within ourselves, and take action to change it, can we make real effective change in our environments and in our world. If we want men and women to be treated equally, we need to first make sure that we do not have that mentality, because then all we really do is contradict ourselves. If we can accomplish this, then we can start affecting those in our lives, especially the men in our lives who share a "patriarchy, male-domiated" type of mentality. When everyone who shares that same mentality start to change, only then can we really call it progress. And if we want to make real progress, we need to be able to make effective change. Because regressing back to this same kind of mindset over and over again is going to throw us into a cycle.

Even today, if we take a look at some of the policies local state governments are implementing, we need to recognize that some of these policies are not ok. The biggest policy? Women's choice in abortion. I'm not saying abortion is good, or that everyone should do it. However, it should be a woman's choice as to whether they want to continue a pregnancy or terminate it. A woman carries the fertilized embryo within their womb for 9 months. More than anyone, what a woman wants in terms of abortion needs to be majorly their choice. Who knows the real reason why some women choose to terminate their pregnancy? For all we know, some women might have been raped. They were sexually assaulted, and if as a result a pregnancy occurs, we cannot give them the choice to decide whether they want to keep a reminder of something as traumatic as rape? And even if a woman was not raped, for all we know, a woman may not be physically fit to carry a baby, and by continuing a pregnancy to full term could end up killing the mother. So to preserve an unborn life, we'd rather kill the mother? No woman would ever want to abort their baby if they chose or are ready to become a mother. If a woman is forced into a pregnancy, why not give them a choice to what they do to their body? Why is it that killing a baby seems wrong, but if keeping that baby alive only to kill the mother is right? Why is it ok for a woman to give birth to their rapist's baby and have a continuous reminder of a severely traumatric event in their life? In the second case, this would just end up causing the mother to go into depression and become abusive or neglectful towards the baby as the baby grows up. Then what? Do we say that life is difficult and many people have some kind of past? No, because we forced that baby to be born into a life where the mother is so traumatized that she cannot give the love that this child deserves because this child reminds the mother of this kind of traumatic violation. We say we live in a modern society, so why is it so hard to give a woman a choice to do what she wants with her body? Why do we treat women as objects or "baby makers"?

Since we're on the topic of pregnancy, let's also talk about maternity leave within the workforce. In the US, parental leave is up to 12 weeks of unpaid time after a child is born. How is that enough? At 3 months, a mother/father has to leave their child at home to work for their family. If that's the case, work places need to have a day care where parents can go meet their children and still have enough time to work. 3 Months is not enough for new parents to spend time with their kids and still be able to earn a living. Because of how little time a mother is able to spend with their child before going back to work, especially in South Asian communites, mothers choose to sacrifice their careers to take care of their families. Why? Because our children need us from the moment they open their eyes in this world. We want to be able to make our careers, but because we are unable to work because we are so focused on our careers, when we look down the line, we mothers end up becoming depressed because we were unable to make anything of ourselves before we became mothers. How is that fair? Why can't mothers and fathers take longer parental leave until their children are at least 6-9 months, that way when they do go back to work, their children are a bit more easily handled by other family member? If we can't give women a choice in abortion, why not increase the overall maternity/paternity leave times in our workforce, so that parents have more time to spend with their toddlers and make sure they're perfectly alright before going back to the workforce?

I don't want to make this post too long, so I'm going to give some final thoughts. We say that because we live in the 21st century, we've become a modern society. But how much of that is true? While yes, women have more freedom and rights than they did back in the 17th-18th centuries, they are still not treated equal to men. In fact, they are treated inferiorly compared to men because we still live in a patriarchy. Even today, there are women all around the world who are harrassed, eve-teased, shamed, and subjugated by men because that's just the way it is. No one cares to recognize that women are a lot stronger than men, because we are able to endure more than them. When a woman gives birth, a women is pushing another human out of their body, and I can bet you that no man can handle the kind of pain that comes with childbirth. Women have to deal with being sexualized when walking in the street whereas men walk around freely with not a care in the world. No matter what, women have always had to endure more than men, and are still treated inferior to men. I've said it before and I'll say it again, that needs to change, and we need to change ourselves if we are going to make a difference in this world.